Dream Journal - Margo Reed

2/17/20

I found out that Mark had sex with a girl at the Dolphin while we were there together the other night. He actually paid her to fuck him in the bathroom.

I was so mad, hurt, betrayed. I wanted him out because all of our relationship had been scarred and broken. I screamed, telling him over and over and over again to get out of my house.

Screaming felt like I had no breath so I started throwing things at him, but that felt like throwing things through a pool of water— impossible. It was impossible for him to understand, and it all, our relationship, the betrayal, the hurt, meant nothing. I kept telling myself to wake up, that the dream was a dream, but I couldn’t. He didn’t care. He showed no empathy, nor capacity to care. He wanted sex, and whether that meant with me or someone else meant nothing to him. Sex and love were separate in his brain, but very connected in mine, therefore he could not be upset that I was upset. He simply couldn’t understand.

When I finally woke up I thought to myself “I guess this is what vulnerability feels like”. This is the most open I’ve been with anyone in a relationship.

1/1/2020


My boyfriend, Mark, was an orange. He was in pain and worry because, to reiterate, he was an orange.

I wanted him to feel comfortable and loved, so I carried the orange, which had Mark’s face on it, around the driveway we were standing on. I rocked it like a baby close to my heart. There was not much to be seen beyond my chest, the orange, and Mark. He had all of my attention. 

In reality, I was having this whole dream while asleep on Mark’s lap.


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1/6/2020

I meet my late grandfather, Pa, in an attic bedroom of someone’s house. He is sick with cancer, as he’s been since I’m 3 years old. I learn this  is why I’ve never met him. The cancer stole his personality and soul so he went to live in this place.

When I met him he looked just like all the pictures I’ve seen from the past. People always used to tell me I have his smile and his laugh, and I can see it now too, but I couldn’t speak when I saw him. It must have been because of his condition— he couldn’t speak to me either, but he was still laughing joyfully.  

The room was small and pretty dark. It reminded me of the room next to Grandma’s attic. Pa sat at a small, brown kitchen table and just kept smiling like he did in all the pictures. I wished I could talk to him.


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